Hello, my name is Sassy and I’m addicted to pants.

Now that’s out of the way, here’s a few other things you should know about me before you decide to invest any of your valuable time reading this blog……….

· I can’t ride a bicycle unless there’s a trombone strapped to the back of it.

· I am convinced that marzipan was created by Satan & no-one can persuade me otherwise.

· I love almonds. Which is weird considering the marzipan issue.

· I have a friend called Lulu who describes me as being like a wind up toy. Wind my key and watch me go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, stop.

· I was County & National champion at 100m Freestyle, for many years, and my father used to say that I was built like a race horse. Never did quite understand that one. Something to do with having legs up to my arm pits I think?!?

· I was a late bloomer and my breasts took my by surprise by deciding to make a sudden & unexpected appearance at the age of 17.

· Men stopped looking me in the eye when I turned 17!

· I gave up swimming when I was 17. Actually, I think these are in the wrong order and the previous 2 points wouldn’t have existed without this one.

· I’m essentially lazy and, as a result, won’t be updating this blog with any regularity.

· I’ll pretty much eat anything once but if you come near me with marzipan or toblerone then you’d better be prepared to bring it!

· Most of the time I’m either thinking about food or sex or both. Or sleep.

· It takes a hell of a lot to make me angry but when I blow you’d better be ducking & covering

· I’m not as clever or smart or funny or dazzling as I’d like to be.

· I’ve always fancied bass players but married a drummer.

· Yes I have a sense of humour – see point above.

· I play a mean game of Uno Extreme.

So, now that you know these things about me I’m going to start counting and if you’re still here by the time I get to 5 then you’re mine…….one………two…………three…………….ooh did someone say pie?!?